You’re trapped in dreary life on a haunted mansion with no love and as if that wasn’t a raw deal enough, your ugly evil aunt (your only relative) threw one more nasty surprise into the whole shebang, she told you that your ass is goin to be given away to the ugly and arrogant old money of the town pretty soon!
Now tell me, what would be goin’ through your mind?
Your Disney-brain washed ass is pro’ly imagining a bad ass dude comin’ through all decked up in shinnin’ armor and shit. You pictured him testin’ his all white horse’s ass with his custom made whip, urgin’ the freakin’ horse to fuckin speed up, a pretty lady (you) needs to be rescued
Hee haw, your prince charmin’ cometh!
Yea, I thought so! Please, shit jus don’t happen like that in real life, or do they?
Yeah, sometimes prince charmin’ swings into town jus like Walt Disney said he would, you know, the custom made shinin’ armor by Armani, the leather sandal by Gucci, the snow white thorough bred stallion from Argentina and the whole nine yard!
Ladies, are you smilin’ already? Ah ah, I know…that nigga PC will definitely come through soon and scoop that ass up, right? Uh huh, I see you noddin’ your pretty heads to this sweet prince charmin’ music
But then again, what if prince charmin’ jus don’t show up at all!
But why, you asked? C’mon, do you really need to ask, huh? I know you already know the answer; you know that there’s every possibility that nigga already went somewhere else to safe someone else. Uh huh, some other pretty assed shawtie already officially had him on lock down and there’s no escapin’!
Ladies, am sayin’ the truth or what? Should I go on? Ok
Other times, the prince maybe late! Why?
Cause he was busy getting his money right!
Yeah, that nigga knows that ladies need to be taken good care of (his mama told him so), so he may be held up tryna stack up that cash cause he’s seen enough to know that no ladies want to be messin’ with no broke nigga (prince charmin’ or not).
Ladies, when the time the late-comin’ prince charmin’ shows up; make sure your ass is not already wife’d by some other nigga in a Chinese made armor suit! If in your impatience you gave in to a prince charmin wanna-be, then be sure you don’t go callin’ the late-comin’ prince out of curiosity on some idle Tuesday afternoon. Why? Jus don’t be shocked if he starts hummin’ Kanye West’s Can’t Tell Me Nuthin’ in your ear.
"Excuse me, is you sayin’ somethin’?
Ah ha, can’t tell me nuthin’’
Lastly
There may be no prince charmin’! Heartbreaking, isn’t it?
Did that come out wrong?
Ok, let me rephrase that, prince charmin’ may jus be that average Joe who’s been tryin’ to holla at your arrogant ass since forever but you jus didn’t let your sweet self see that the fabled prince don’t always gallop into town on an all white steed, so you keep givin’ that thing that thing that thiiiiing *in Lauryn Hill’s voice* to them niggas frontin’ like the real McCoy!
Ask Funmi, a beautiful girl I went to the university with, she knows what am talkin’ about. She used to tell us (her male friends, me Melvin and ‘em) back then that she was holdin’ out for a nigga like Tyson Beckford (damn! that nigga messed up alotta girls’ head) and shit but she fell for a nigga who was totally opposite!
There are so many prince charmings out there…keep searchin’ but be sure you got that princess charmin' make-up on, ok?
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