“I'm about to drive in the ocean
I’ma try to swim for somethin’ bigger than me
Kick off my shoes
And swim good and swim good
Take off my shoes
And swim good and swim good’’
That’s the new Frank Ocean’s melancholically infectious single, Swim Good and I love that shit. I love Frank Ocean, as in, the man’s music (jus so you and dirty minds don’t get it twisted. Lol) I love everythin’ that nigga’s put out so far but the funny thing is, I’ve not been able to put a face to the voice; I’ve not seen any of his videos…yet.
Anyways, Swim Good’s been stuck in my head since I got up thismorning and it’s all thanks to the radio stations I listen to.
I love sleepin’ wit the radio on and I love station-surfin’ and so it was this mornin’, I was flippin’ through the channels (after listenin’ to the news on BBC, that is), Swim Good came on on one of my favorite local stations, when it got done, I changed the station and was delighted to catch Rihanna’s new joint with Calvin Harris, We Found Love. That shit always gets my foot tappin’, my head bobbing and my body movin’, I was fuckin’ whistlin’ to the song.
Can y’all guess what song came on next after We Found Love got done? Yep, you guess it, Frank Ocean’s Swim Good! There was no escapin’ that song, I was stuck wit it but, I was lovin’ it. As the day wore on, I kept singin’ it without meanin’ to, and the the more I sang it, the more it reminded me of somethin’ that went down way before Kevin Kristo, Wayne Nugent, Christopher Francis Breaux (Frank Ocean), Charlie and ‘em got together, talkless of even writin’ this gem!
July 2007
Lagos
Gulder Ultimate Search, a spin-off of the famous reality show, Survival. The GUS is the Nigerian version of that world famous show and it’s quite popular, been runnin’ on national TV stations for slightly over a decade now. By the way, the show got its name from a popular beer brand in Nigeria; they’ve been sponsorin’ that shit since day one.
Me and my boys (jus like countless other armchair supermen) used to sit and brag about how we gon’ murder all competition if we ever decide to jump on the show but we never got around to enterin’ for it, well at least, not until that fateful 2007 edition.
Me, Voke (also known as FMG, only insiders know what the acronym stands for) and Emmanuel a.k.a Black Salvador (another inside joke) decided we gon give it a shot for real that time and we did.
Did I say some’ about the huge prize money attached to making it to the finals on television? Well, there is but more than the prize money at stake, the joy of one’s ass being on TV every day and the doors that’ll be opened by the exposure one gon get up in there is always a natural aphrodisiac for getting a hard on for shows like that!
I knew qualifyin’ for the TV stage of the contest would be a piece of cake for me if, and only if, they don’t throw in one particular task I knew I suck at. Did somebody ask what task that would be? Hold on, I’ma tell you.
Day One
Hundreds of folks, mostly young and middle age (both sexes) came through. We were so fuckin’ surprised by the kinda folks that turned up. If y’all were there, your jaws woulda been on the floor too, I mean, there were so many well chiseled mutherfuckers up in there, walkin up and down with tank tops on, showing off and shit. Some of them niggas would make Arnold Swarzenegger look like he was suffering from anorexia, that was how buffed they were. Heck, mutherfuckers looked like they were born and raised in the gym.
Girls were not left out, different shapes and sizes, flauntin what their mamas gave ‘em all over the place. It was a fuckin’ carnival of sports/TV stars wanna-be’s!
After three grueling stages, it turned out that 98% of those muscular punk asses showing off in the morning were jus’ sacks wit nothin’ in ‘em, most of ‘em fuckin fell after stage two of day one! Of course, yours truly made it true but unfortunately, my mens fell off. Day one was a piece of cake for me like I’d predicted; I qualified like a seasoned vet.
Day Two
Before day two, I went to the pool to polish up my swimming skills and speed and my crew was there to give me moral support. Voke was a born fish, nigga could swim for days, he put through and showed me some things til he was satisfied that I was ready for day two.
Day two was mainly a pool thing and I was ready to swim for something bigger than me like Frank Ocean. We all watched and waited for our turn as contestants got called into the pool eight in a set.
It was fuckin’ hilarious watchin people act the fool in the pool, I mean why even bother, so many folks couldn’t swim even if their lives depended on it but thank God for the lifeguards, cause if it weren’t for them…ummm, let’s jus say alotta folks, includin’ a certain someone might have been dead by now or some’.
Anyways, my name got called; I confidently stepped to the plate like I was Ian Thorpe in his prime, jumped in the pool with the other seven in my set and prrrrr, the whistle got blown, an epic battle was on. I started swimming as fast as I could…em,
Before I continue, one thing i’ve left out of this narrative up until now was the fact that I couldn’t swim, I didnt know how (still don’t) and that right there, was the task I was referring to earlier, the one i told y’all I sucked at. But Instead of givin’ up, I deluded myself into thinkin’ I could do one better than Jesus who walked on walk water. I fuckin’ believe I could walk in water and men, was i wrong? I was so fuckin’ wrong, that stupidity coulda cost a nigga his life.
There I was, simulatin’ swimming wit my arms while my legs were walkin in the water instead of floatin. I did that up to a stage and the next thing I knew, I felt strong arms pullin’ me out of the water…I was fuckin’ drownin!
My boys still make fun of me til today…talkin’ me tryna walk in water in a swimmin’ competition.
Sorry Frank Ocean, I couldn’t swim for somethin’ bigger than me on that occasion!
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