SCHAIRY SUNDAY SERVICE!

Monday, October 10
A few years ago, an ex girlfriend told me of how she was coolin’ at home wit’ her mum and older sis one hot and humid afternoon (it was about 30 some’ degrees on the centigrade outside) when her older brother walked into the livin’ room where they were kickin’ it…he was shocked by what he saw, the three ladies were tappin’ repeatedly on their sculls at the same time like they were in some kinda ritualistic séance…each one of ‘em was drummin’ on her head as if she was tryna get through to some angry god inside her brain. He asked if he’d walked in on a midday witches’ pow wow. They laughed at him... and I can tell you guys, i hurt my ribs laughin’ too when she told me why the three of them were tappin’ their heads in unrehearsed unison.

And would you believe what was makin’ these ladies act all strange... WEAVES! They were jus’ tryna scratch their itchy scalps through their mutherfuckin’ weaves. Lol! A hot day and weaves jus’ don’t go together, men!

I hate weaves and I wonder why ladies go on and on about ‘em as if their lives depend on it. Nine outta ten guys don’t like that shit and if y’all think that Dobs is lying through his teeth, carry out your mini survey and get back at me wit’ the result.

Sunday, 9 October
12:13pm (I remember the time cause I had my alarm set jus’ so I could update my facebook status wit’ that unique time and date thing... 09/10/11 12:13, yea yea, I know it’s mundane) Lol.

Anyways, I was sittin’ in church yesterday tryin’ my hardest to concentrate; do you guys know how hard that is in a hot weather? I tried and tried to keep my freakin’ eye-lids open and you already know what the outcome was goin’ to be, huh? My ass was failin’ woefully…well, until some lady came through and took the sit in front of me and then, things changed for good and for bad dependin’ on how you view the events that followed.

I didn’t really see the chick’s face but I couldn’t escape the “hair” (if you were there, you woulda notice too, man)... a long ass weave, almost the touchin’ the ground when she sat, it was all up in my freakin’ face. Up until that moment, I had been usin’ the backrest of the chair as a pillow in my battle to steal some sleep and not be obvious about it; because of her devilish weave, your boy was gonna be exposed, I couldn’t pretend like I was prayin’ anymore. My ass had to sit upright from that moment on... Lol

Good thing I wasn’t goin to be able to snooze no more, right? Wrong! Even though, I couldn’t doze no more, I still couldn’t concentrate cause the chick kept fliggin’ her all almighty weave all over the place tryna clean the sweat that was poolin’ up on her neck and guess who was bearin’ the full brunt of those wayward weaves? Yep, you guessed it... the good Ol’ me! Every time she moved in response to the holy spirit (my guess), she vibrates and so did the burden on her head ( I meant hair)... what’s a good Christian like me to do, huh?

Thankfully enough, the ersatz hair didn’t smell bad... how did I know? I caught a noseful while tryna dodge those Brazilian export (am guessin’ its Brazilian cause I know these ladies go bonkers over that shit).

The weather is uncomfortable enough for a brotha like me keepin’ a ‘fro, I mean, I saw a bald-headed brotha constantly wipin’ sweat off his head every five minute... now y’all see where am goin’ wit’ this, huh?

Monday, October 10
Fellas, please tell these ladies to quit playin’, weave jus’ doesn’t go wit’ a hot weather... on a 32 degrees summer’s day, a weave is to sweat what shit is to flies!