I can’t go past a mirror without sneakin’ a look in there to make sure my ass is lookin’ proper. Besides, M.J told me to always check in on the man in the mirror… *does the trademark MJ yodel* hee hee.
Oh, y’all think am a narcissist or somethin’? Nah am far from that! Well, maybe am a little vain but I don’t even come close to being a narcissist. I know alotta you guys can’t resist the urge to look in that mirror whenever your asses run across one, or can you?
We always tryna check ourselves out every time we see a reflective surface; we humans are vain like that, aren’t we? Truth is, no matter how un-pretty or unattractive we think we are, we still make use of that mirror.
So, the other day I was on the ground floor of a mall tryna put my laptop properly in the backpack (I’d gone wit it upstairs to use the café there, y’all know I gotta keep servin’ up that hot blog). As I stood there, bag slung over my shoulder, lookin’ through the giant glass screenin’/ wall (the type that allows you to see people on the other side without being seen) wit’ my back to the flight lading, I noticed that more than a few of the folks walkin’ by outside, especially the ladies, were stylishly checkin’ themselves out in the glass as they walked by…I thought to myself, this gon’ be interestin.
Even though I’ve never been a peepin’ Tom but I’ll never let an opportunity to feed my eyes wit’ candid antics folks get up to when they see their reflection, so I let my voyeuristic instincts kick in, I was excited by the ridiculousity I knew I was gonna see and boy, was I right?
It’s so fuckin’ hilarious what people get up in front a mirror when they think no one’s lookin’,
The first customer to my candid show was a lil boy of about four who couldn’t stop wavin’ at his own reflection. Dude unhinged his tiny hand from his mum’s to go “touch” himself! The lil fella wouldn’t stop cryin’ when the mum scooped him up in her arms by force so they could go into the mall. I waved at the teary-eyed boy when they walked passed me inside.
A coupla folks went by wit nothin’ but cursory side glances at the glass, it was almost like they aware that big brother might be snoopin’ on their ass but then came these two school girls, still clad in their uniform. If it wasn’t for the uniform, I wouldn’t have known they were high school kids ‘cause they were ripe (all the assets were in full flower). The shorter of the two stopped first, she patted both of her jugs from the side like she was tryna get them to sit right in her bra. The other girl giggled. I looked around to be sure nobody had snuck up on me and my lil’ gig…thankfully, I was still alone. By the time I returned my attention to the glass, the girls were gone! Phew!
Jus’ as I was contemplatin’ leavin’ my spot behind the glass, a thin ass dude in a skinny black pant, short-sleeved blue checked shirt wit a red tie hangin’ on his throat came through…dude stopped in front of the glass for about five to eight seconds and in that time, he checked out his mo-hawk and adjusted his tie and he went on his way. When I saw his behind, I wanted to go at him, put a slap upside his head and tell to pull his stupid ass skinny jeans up…nigga had a freakin’ tom and terry drawers on! For real, am not makin’ this up.
Have this in mind, next time you wanna get your ridiculousity on in front of a mirror, I jus might be watchin’ like Big Brother does!
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