DEATH BY ASPHYXIATION

Wednesday, 19 October

About 22:05

The air around me was becomin’ too fuckin’ heavy and asphyxiating, so i kept goin’ back and forth to get some air from the central coolin’ system (the industrial type they put in big malls and ‘em), I needed to fuckin ’breathe. As unorthodox as that might sound (getting’ air from the coolin’ system) it helped. See, my breathin’ dilemma has got nothin’ to do with the hot and windless night and nope, am not asthmatic either.

The heaviness of the air around the table felt like a thousand invisible hands were right there on my neck tryna squeeze the life out of me. As much as I’d like to bitch and moan about how hard life is, am wise enough to know that life is still in some ways, beautiful and I don’t wanna die. So, I would casually stand, stretch, adjust my balls then crane my neck to let the cool air comin’ out the air con hit my face without alertin’ the folks I was coolin’ wit to what I was doin’.

20:50

Return of the Mack, that classic Mack Morrison’s joint from back in the day, filled my eardrum as soon as I walked in the door and before I knew it, my head was bobbin’ to that shit like an agama lizard; that’s what good music will do to you, makes you even when you don’t wanna!

I went straight to the bar, bought a coke, grabbed and sat myself down in front of one the televisions hangin’ from the walls…the reason why I came was already on; UEFA Champions League, baby!

The place was buzzin’ despite the fact that it wasn’t a club night. I saw alotta skins and boobs hangin’ out and shit but then again, what do you expect wit these ladies clad in clothes that looked like they were originally made for five year olds. They kept shakin' their sacks from left to right, sashaying up and down like they lost something and nah, there’s no price for guessin’ that nine outta ten of them girls were pussy-for-cash chicks, if y’all know what I mean?

Funny thing was, if you took a quick look at these ladies they kinda look fine but wait, if you took a closer look, you’d see that the lightings in the club have got some’ to do wit your judgement. Those fancy lights and spinning globes have got a way of makin’ ugly look pretty and wit enough alcohol in the system, ugly is nothin’! Am I right or am I right? Of course, am right.

21:50

Just before the second half kicked off, a couple of Asian guys came through. Most of ‘em headed straight to the pool table, some went to the bar, one came through and asked, in what sounded like English language, if he could share the table wit me (music was very loud and I couldn’t care less what he was sayin’ anyways), I nodded and immediately went back to watchin’ the game (Chelsea was givin’ Genk a serious ass whoopin’). About ten minutes later, I realised there were two new companions at the table with me and my new oriental friend and that, was when my breathin’ ordeal started.

22:05

I had no history of breathin’ problem before the comin’ of those two female companions of the Chinaman, one of those shawties certainly kick-started my breathin’ ordeal. She fuckin’ changed the air around the table and I was suffocatin’ from holdin’ my breath.

Oh, y’all think somebody say farted?

Nah, it wasn’t a fart and nah, they weren’t smokin’ neither (at least not inside the joint)…the problem was the fuckin’ perfume one of ‘em got on!

I mean, why do people do that? Some folk jus’ messes up a perfectly sweet smellin’ perfume by over sprayin’ that shit. it’s fuckin’ nauseatin’…the girl next me fuckin’ smell like she took a luxurious dip in a bath filled Eau De Cologne!

Thank God I survived to tell the tale, imagine what would have happened if my ass was asthmatic.