V'S SECRETS

December 19

Monday

02:56

A Girl I Use To Know

 “There’s was a girl I used to know

She was so so beautiful

She’s not here anymore…”

Those were lines from the 1997 classic hit “How Come, How Long” a collabo by two of my all time favorite singer/ songwriters, Baby Face Edmond and the timeless Mr. Stevelan Morris a.k.a Stevie Wonder, I absolutely love that joint bits.

I totally have no idea why this hot joint from the nineties came to mind at this time of the night, oh wait, am lyin’ through my freakin’ teeth, of course I know why! Oh, you guys think am thinkin’ of some girl I use to know? Nah, not really, at least, not the way y’all might be thinkin’, ok?

Back in the day, I used to know a girl named Victoria W, we were fam, neighbors and classmates, that’s a lot connection, isn’t it? Well, where I come from, we are tightly knitted like that.

Why can’t spill her full name up in here?

Well, y’all don’t wanna see me catch a case, right? A strugglin’ blogger like me can’t afford a lawyer from the high street, can I? Lol!

 I and Victoria went to a world famous secondary school named Titcombe College (the name was in honor of some Canadian missionary, Rev. Tommy Titcombe who came through with a bunch of other guys, bible in one hand and medicine in the other). What, you never heard of Titcombe College before? Are you guys kiddin’ me? Y’all must be trippin’! Lmaol! 

Anyways, Victoria was a beautiful and quiet girl, a lotta guys (old and young) wanted a taste of that good stuff.

 Me? Nah! Remember, we were fam so I couldn’t step up and even if we weren’t fam, my game was kinda weak back then, ah ha!

Am thinkin’, what’s the chance that she’s still as pretty as she used to be? Did somebody jus’ asked, what the chance of findin’ a snowflake in hell was? Lol!

I haven’t thought about Victoria in a long long time but guess what? As soon as I started writin’ this blog, I searched for that ass on facebook. Did I find her? I think I did but am not too sure. Why am I not sure? I needed to see pictures for positive ID but the one I felt was closest had picture of wildlife animals for pro pic. Besides, there are too many Victorias!

Secrets

He that has no sin, let him cast the first stone, wasn’t that what Jesus told those punk ass tryna stone to death some woman whom they said was promiscuous? Those punks were spoilin’ for a fight, they could smell blood, they were freakin’ ready to send the poor chick six feet beneath in a hail of stones but the moment Jesus kicked those thought-provokin’ vibe in their stupid ears, they started fadin’ back into the woodworks frm whence thry came. Yeah, those fools knew they got secrets and if those were to come to light, their asses would toast, ah ha!

You got secrets, I got secrets, victoria got secrets and we will keep pilin’ up secrets til we breathe our last, right? Anybody wanna confess, father Dobs will be waitin’ when you’re done consumin’ this concoction.

Victoria W’s Secret

Back then, Victoria W had one of her secrets exposed! But lookin’ back now, what she did wasn’t really a big deal; we were the ones who made a fuckin’ moutain out of a mole hill. Deep down inside, alotta niggas were dyin’ of jealousy!

What was the secret?

She was caught datin’ a junior on the low!

Men, I haven’t thought about that shit in years! How freakin’ jobless can teenagers be, player hatin’ on Victoria and her lil romance like that, huh? The girls were busy whisperin’ bout how lowdown Vickie was kickin’ it wit a junior. Females, whatever age they are, love it when a pretty girl bites the dust, right? We all knew those lil snitches woulda done the same if they had the chutzpah. And the guys, they were fuckin’ hurt, they felt dissed, ah, I mean, one of the big dawgs shoulda been the one crushin’ on that pussy for godsakes…Lol!

Friday

17 December

10:36

The Real Victoria Secret

The real reason I remember Victoria W was because of anotha Victoria, this Victoria is world renowned, and for once in their triflin’ lives, ladies around the world aren’t jealous of another girl, lol.

For many years now, Victoria’s had men goin’ downtown, crawlin’ on our hands and knees,  lickin’ every corner in search of her secrets and we’re nowhere near findin’ all them secrets.

But guess what? I found one of Victoria’s Secrets! *beatin my freakin’ chest like King Kong*

Thanks to CNN International’s facebook page, I found this juicy rider

“Slave free Lingerie: Are you a victoria Secret fan? A recent report said cotton used in some of its products is grown using child labor.”

Yeah, alotta of you ladies been rockin’ panties made by some malnourished kid from south East Asia, some kid who’s not old enough for the back breakin’ grind of workin’ on the fields.

What, you’re feelin’ guilty? Good but not good enough and that is why I came up with ways for you to make reparation for keepin’  Victoria’s bloody secret for so long…first, stop buyin’ their products and two, next you’re rockin’ a VS and a brotha want some of what got underneath it, give it up without a fight!