HELLO, WHO'S THIS?

The followin’ accounts are from a real life event, shit took place recently; you guys know the Dobs don’t do fiction, right? Walk wit me.

Kenya

Date: Sometime in November

Location: somewhere in Nairobi

Her cell phone rang; Agnes picked it up and says, “Hello!”

The voice on the other end of the line replied whilst clearing her throat, “Hi, Agnes. This is Agnes, right?”

“Yes, this is she and who am I speaking wit?”

“I am your boss’s wife”

There was a momentary silence as if a sacred word had been spoken, “how may I help you, madam” Agnes’s voice came back jus as quickly as it had went silent.

Adjusting her voice as if to get the right timbre and attitude, “are you having an affair wit my husband?” the boss’s wife said

This time, the silence seemed to last for an eternity.

It was obvious Agnes was taken aback by the question but she remained calm

“What! Madam, what are you talking about” she said

“Are you fucking my husband” the boss’s wife repeated herself

“Gawd! No madam. Why are you accusing me?”

“Well, I didn’t call to argue or start a fight. I just called to warn you”

“Warn me about what, madam? I already told you me and your husband are not having an affair”, Agnes said, now impatient.

“Well, my husband, your boss is HIV positive and so am i. the stupid man infected me but as a good Christian I thought I’d let you know just in case he’s trying to put the moves on you”

“Oh, God!” Agnes must have whispered those words more than five time in the time it took one to open and close an eye.

“Did you guys use protection?” the boss’s wife cut in, interrupting Agnes’s trance-like drone.

“Oh Jesus. Oh Jesus. Oh Jesus” Agnes was moaning and that kinda of moan can only be heard from somebody on the verge of tears. You could fucking hear the tears in the bitch’s voice.

At this point in the convo, an annoyed male voice came on the line askin’ Agnes, “why? Why? Why?” those words came out like a wheeze, like something spoken through clenched jaws.

Confused, Agnes asked “who is this?”

The male voice kept asking the same question, “why Agnes why”

When the realization of what had just gone down hit her in the face, she was stunned. She recognized whom the male voice belong to.

But for somebody who was on the tipping edge of river of tears a few seconds ago, she collected herself quickly as would a veteran spy agent who’s been dyed in the fine art of denial.

“No Patrick, it’s not what you think. Please, I can explain”

“Agnes, please there’s nothing to explain”

Realizing she’s been caught red handed over the barrel, the bitch cut the mutherfuckin’ line!

Few minutes Before the Above Phone Convo

A man had called a woman (the “boss’s wife”) and laid his suspicion on her; he said he’d been hearin’ word around town that his wife was givin’ that pussy away but he wasn’t the kinda man who listens to careless whispers, so he didn’t pay no mind to it.

*Damn! This nigga trusted his wifey, he never even asked her about it (a move which later paid off for him though he didn’t know it at time). If he’d asked the wife about it, the bitch woulda been tipped off.*

Accordin’ to the man, the final straw came when some strange number sent him a sms sayin’ that his wife and her boss were fuckin’, he called the number back several times but whoever sent that message jus let it ring. Nigga told himself it was time to put the rumor to bed, so he put a call through to the “boss’s wife” for help to get to the bottom of it.

Today

1 December 2011

08:53

Like I wrote at the beginnin’ of this blog, the convo you jus read actually took place.

The man who called the radio station for help was Agnes’ husband and the woman pretendin’ to be the boss’s wife was the on-air presenter anchorin’ the candid phone call program on some radio station in Nairobi, Kenya. There was no script, no editin’, It was live. Some real life reality shit, straight up with no chaser.

And that was what I heard on the radio this mornin’.

Doin’ dirt and answerin’ your phone as never been so dangerous, if your shit ain’t clean, whenever that rings, be afraid, be very afraid. Ah ha ha *laughin’ in Vincent Price’s voice in the thriller*