FORCED REHAD

Boxin’ Day

Monday, December 26

14:00

She got me singin’

Thoin’ thoin’ thoin thoin’ thoin’ thoin’

I had her singin’

Thoin’ thoin’ thoin’ thoin’ thoin’ thoin’

I woke up wit’ a start, I was more than a little disconcerted, matter of fact, I felt like an addict sufferin’ from withdrawal syndrome. Oh wait, am an addict!

R. Kelly was on the radio screamin’ out how he had a girl singin’ thoin’ thoin’ thoin’ and for what seemed like forever, I laid there on the bed in fetus position, I couldn’t figure out where I was, I took a deep breath, wiped beads of sweat off my face and exhaled.

I went to the fridge and knocked back an 840 millilitre bottle of water. Calmed by the cold colorless liquid in my throat, I sat back on the back, cupped my head in my palms and tried to collect my thoughts.

Slowly, it was all comin’ back to me, I had fallen asleep in the middle of somethin’, but what was it I was tryin’ to do again? For two whole minutes, I sat there tryin’ to think but I jus’ couldn’t put my finger on it. I reached for the radio and brought the volume down from 20 to 8 and jus’ at that moment it hit me what it was I was doin’ before I slipped into unconsciousness.

Seventeen Minutes Earlier

Seventeen minutes earlier, I was on the phone tryin’ to make a very important call. Did y’all notice the words “very important” in there? Yep, the call was so very important; you could compare it to an addict frantically tryin’ to holla at his dealer! Ok, maybe not that serious but it was important for me to reach my dealer.

Coolin’ on the bed, I had dialed the number and the caller ring back tune was playin’, I was jus’ waitin’ on one of my dealer’s men to pick the damn thing up but bam, the unexpected happened…I fucked dozed off!

14:06

But wait, why was my phone still ringin’ via the caller ring back tune? I reached for the phone from the beneath the laptop (I had no Idea how it got there), turned the display light on and that was when I realized I’d snoozed for fifteen minutes.

2.5 Hours Earlier

11:30

I’d been off the “drug” for close to 24 hours and that wasn’t a deliberate attempt on my part. Nah, I wasn’t tryin’ to kick this juicy addiction but I know one or two people who’d be more than happy to hear of my dilemma

It was like my “dealer” was deliberately tryin’ to take me to rahab without my permission. I fuckin’ felt like Amy Winehouse, men! What kinda dealer would do that to his customer, huh? Didn’t he know that moves like that ain’t good for his business?

Though I wasn’t exactly crawlin’ off the wall because of the jones, I needed a fix nonetheless. I was alil restless and I’d even started thinkin’ that may be my dealer was dead. So, jus’ to make certain, I picked up the phone and called.

12:01

Thirty minutes after I dialed customer service, I was still being entertained by the same metallic female voice which consistently told me, “all our agents are currently busy, please hold on and you will be attended to shortly”

What the fuck! Even if all the call agents were havin’ a sex orgy at work, it couldn’t have lasted thirty minutes. Both times I called; I deliberately left the phone on to see how long it’d take for somebody to attend to me

Am sure y’all know by now who my dealer is, right? The internet service of my mobile service provider’s been down for more than 24 hours now and from the look of things, the best their customer service department could do was play their stupid ass jingle over and over again and oh, I now know a place to listen to a jazz number when I want to sleep!