OFFICER, WHAT SEEMS TO BE THE PROBLEM?

Friday

December 30

What’s the name of that device the po-po’s use to pull cars over again? The one with the flashin’ multi-color lights and that poop poop sound, is it siren? Yep, I think it is!

Picture this

Your ass is speedin’ down the road, and for a second, you make-believe that you are Omarion but out of nowhere, bam, a cop’s whip appears on your tail! The five-oh switches on the siren and let that bitch bell out two quick poop poop. You check your rear view mirror, pro’ly debatin’ in your head if should make a run for it. Since you ain’t ridin’ dirty, you chuck the deuces to that idea and pull up to the shoulder like a law-abidin’ citizen. The cop gets out of his car and walks up to your car; you wind down your window and ask, “Officer, what seems to be the problem?”

Am so freakin’ sure we’ve all seen that clichéd scene play out several times before in the movies, right?

23:55

I’d jus gone past the pussy vendin’ individuals (also known as prostitutes, jus in case you’re wonderin’ what that is) strutting their stuffs on one of the plushiest streets this city’s got, they were busy tryna attract their usual clientele. They were workin’ overtime, tryna fuck as many men as they can (gotta make that extra bread for the New Year celebration)

 As for me, I didn’t pay them no mind, my face was glued to the phone cause I was tryna put up my usual midnight update on facebook.

What! Why do I always go through that street at night? C’mon, you guys are not thinkin’ I kick it wit them public sex vendin’ machines, are you? Like I’ve said many times before, never have, never will.

Anyways, like I was sayin’, I’d jus gone past the prostitutes when out of nowhere, a cop literally ghosted out of the darkness, AK 47 hangin’ on his left shoulder, flash light in hand, the whole works, I looked up from the addictive glow in my hand as he walked up to me.

“Where are you comin’ from at this time of the night?” he accosted

Puttin’ my phone away, I said “what do you mean?”

“Where are you coming from?” he repeated, adjustin’ the gun on his shoulder.

Nigga  pro’ly did that as a kinda subtle reminder of who was holdin’ the gun between us two, nigga musta sensed that the tone of my voice was half way into boilin’ point.

Saturday

December 31^st

00:01

Before answerin’, I pulled out my phone again to check the time; it was a minute past midnight. I told the fool where I was comin’ from and he was like, “don’t you know you’re not supposed to be walkin’ around at this time of the night?”

“C’mon, does it look like am jus walkin’ around aimlessly” I answered wryly

“Don’t argue with me or do you me to take you in?” he threatened

“Take me in for what? Besides I already told you where I was comin’ from and where am goin” I pointed in the direction of my destination, jus about two hundred meters ahead

He went silent for a second, then he asked “Why didn’t you get on a taxi?”

I wanted to ask the fool if he was goin’ to pay but instead I said, “why should I take a taxi when I can walk to where am goin”

“Don’t you have money for a cab?”

“Officer, I already told you where am goin’ is far, if it was you, would you get on a taxi for such a short distance?”

He adjusted his gun again, “Don’t you know it’s for your own safety?”

“I appreciate your concern but today is not my first time walkin’ these streets”

“Ok, let’s go. I want to make sure you’re going to where you say you’re going but next time, you should get on a cab”

His insistence on me takin’ a cab for a distant I can walk in ten minute baffled me. Somethin’ told me there was more to it but I couldn’t pin what it was down.

As we both walk away, the not so distant sounds of Vegas Night Club and the other clubs from the neighborhood I was comin’ from could be heard and come to think of it, them ho’s I was talkin’ about earlier were jus a shoutin’ distance from where we were standin’...matter of fact, they were lookin’ at us and the mutherfucker didn’t say none to them pussy givers!

In my mind I was thinkin’, “Nigga, if it wasn’t for that AK hangin’ on your shoulder, I would have Jet Li’d your ass”

See, I was way taller than the officer, if it came to hand to hand, I’d knock that ass out cold in no time.

As we got close to where I was goin’ to branch off, the po-po sang his favorite again, “You know, you should have gotten on a cab back there where I stopped you”

By now, I’d lost my patience and I told him in my firmest tone that there was no I woulda done that.

Again, he threatened to arrest me if I didn’t stop arguing with him and I was like, “are we arguing or we’re jus’ talkin’ like two civilized people?”

Then he switched up on me by askin’, “are you Nigerian?”

“Yep, but being Nigerian has got nothin’ do wit this” I said as I crossed the road, leavin’ man and gun on the other side “I’ve been round here long enough, I know whasup wit’ these streets”

As I walked into the close, away from the main road, I looked back to see if the copper had gone back down the road from where we came but guess what? He didn’t go back at all, he jus kept goin forward and that was when it hit me, the reason the mutherfucker had been tryna  get me on a taxi wasn't to protect me at all …nigga was jus' lookin’ for a free ride!