THE CONDOM I DIDN'T USE

Saturday
Just before 11:00hrs
My mood was a deeper shade of blue, the weather was gettin' hot and I was restless. I needed some distractions, alil' some' to take my mind off things. So, there I was layin' on my stomach, surfin' through stations on the radio tryna while away the time before one of my fav programs on radio comes on BBC; Top of the Pops (am a radio addict, by the way). If I'm told to choose between pussy and the radio... I'll choose both! Got ya! Lmao…I love lettin' my ears be held hostage by the radio.

Two Hours Later
Just before jumpin' in the shower, I took one of the best dumps I’ve taken in a long while and when I got done, I felt like I had cum... felt like an orgasm! Ok, maybe not quite but it felt so fuckin' good I coulda sworn I came. I don't know, you ever taken one of those mood-alterin' dump or piss before? If you've not, then you've not known one of life's sweetest free gifts. Trust me on that one.

Suddenly, I was happy. My Saturday afternoon was lookin' like some' outta Louis Armstrong's Wonderful World... ooooh yea *in my best Satchmo voice*. I even whistled a song I love to hate, LMFAO’s Party Rock while in the shower getting' my ass washed.

21:00hrs
I was feelin' hella good; the evening was look like it'd end in a good night. Man. United had jus' given Bolton a good ass whoopin', though not as monumental as the drubbin' the Gunners got 'bout a forth night ago but it was a good signal to all the other pretenders in the premiership that we (we, as in Man. United) ain't playin'! The other big boys in the league are shakin' in their boots right about now.

Samson, I meant Wayne Rooney can't stop bangin' in the goals. That boy's on fire. I have a conspiracy theory bout Rooney's new found form and his new head of full hair got some' to do with it... am jus' sayin'.

So am walkin' home, the moon beamin' happily in the sky jus' like my smile. The Ho's were out at their usual spots, callin' every Dobs, DICK and Harry baby or darlin'. I've often wondered why these girls chose these well to do neighborhood to sell that punany. Tree-lined streets, well paved roads, all quiet and shit, hands down, this is one of the best parts of this city... about 10 meters away from the pussy-mongers, I slipped and fell. Thank God my best friend was ok... oh, sorry, that was my phone in case you're wonderin' how a mysterious friend I didn’t mention suddenly appeared in this lil' true life tale. Satisfied we're both ok except for my stained pant, I checked for what had caused my "downfall" and you wouldn't have been able to guess in a million years what it was if I told you to take a stab at it... A USED CONDOM with sperm still oozing out of the damn thang!

Imagine how some other people's fuckin' bi'ness/ pleasure fuckin' nearly ruined such a good night. I smiled to myself, signed in to me Facebook account and was about to update when…

It doesnt even matter...