Goin’ down memory lane to my days back in secondary school, I remember how me and my boys on our way back from school would make stops at mango trees jus to get a competition goin’ out of usin’ stones (and unripe mangoes)to pluck them ripe ones from way on high.
*clears throat*Can I tell ya’ll somethin’ about mango-stoning, can I? Good!
That shit is an art form! It isn’t somethin’ everybody can pull off, your ass gon’ need years of practice to get some level of perfection goin’ and guess what? You can never reach perfection, though some of us were more perfect than others. Folks who thought they could do it usually end up wit’ sore shoulders and no ripe mangoes for their delusion! Lol
I remember times when we’d get up on them cashew trees (we had many of those in my home town), eat and then roast them nuts till we got ourselves really crispy fresh nuts that none of these internationally known supermarkets can’t put a light to. Yup, we were good like that!
The Unforgettable Biology Teacher
I remember some of our teachers from back then, I remember the agric. teacher, an affable bald-headed old codger named Mr. Alabi. I remember our fine art teacher, a talented nigga by the name of Mr. Kazeem. I remember a couple of others but one name I couldn’t recollect, no matter how hard I try, was our biology teacher. Jus like our agric teacher, the biology man was a good-humored old nigga who knew how to make every of his class memorable
I can still see how the old biology teacher’s face would light up when he taught us about Robert Hooke and Cell theory, Louis Pasteur and pasteurization, reproduction and them other stuffs and boy, did we love reproduction!
I remember him tellin’ us bout the branches of biology…microbiology, toxicology, soil biology, cell biology, genetics, marine biology and blah blah.
Hold up! I think I left one important piece from that list *taps temple wit fore-finger several times* damn, if my biology teacher was here right now, he won’t be proud of me at all. Yessss, I remember now, Zoo-fucking-logy it is!
Zoology
Zoology is the ancient Greek word for animal knowledge. That shit deals wit the animal kingdom (both livin’ and extinct).
Anyways, that’s the short of it right there guys, don’t wanna burden your asses wit my “geniusness” by delvin’ into the full version cause y’all might not be able to handle me once I put my professorial skate on.lol
Somebody is pro’ly thinkin’, “Why is he zoning in on zoology?
Um, I really don’t give two fucks about zoos or zoology and I’ve actually never met a zoologist in my life except you wanna count the ones I’ve see on animal planet, do they count?
Nah, they don’t?
Ah ha, I thought so.
“Then why are you thinkin’ bout all these zoology stuffs?’’ you ask
Thing is, recent events in Africa’s most populous nation should be held responsible for me bein’ on this train of thought.
Come to think of it, I think I know a zoologist though am not sure if he’s ever stepped a foot in a zoo in his life.
January 1st
Sunday
The Zoologist Gives a Gift
I got my suspicion confirmed on January the first that the zoologist had never practiced before what he supposedly studied at the university, oh yes I did.
And how did I get that?
Well, the zoologist hit the animals in his care wit a New Year present, a gift so important, it had everybody buzzing and nope, the buzz doesn’t have a nice ring to it. Now I even have doubts if this nigga really earned his degree in zoology the old fashioned way.
Why?
I mean, if he did, he woulda known that you don’t treat caged animals’ jus anyhow. If this Good-not fella had earned his stripes as a zoologist, he woulda known that you don’t abruptly introduce beasts to adverse change, you gotta condition their ass first.
Same Old Script
The president of Nigeria is a zoologist (as if y’all didn’t know) and he musta thought he was reigning over a big ass zoo when he doubled the price of gettin’ overnight by doublin’ the pump price of gas in the name of subsidy without a well-articulated plan and palliative measures to cushion the hard knock effect a move like that would have on them ordinary Joes. Men, who does that, huh?
This clueless zoologist got billions of dollars allocated to the presidency for unnecessary domestic and foreign travels. Check it, the Obamas and the Sarkozys of this world travel in stylish necessity but nah, not the zoologist, he continued that stupid tradition of goin’ around in opulent uselessness as laid down by his predecessors
Check it; the Nigerian government gets aids from the US, the UK and other foreign governments, right?
But can somebody tell me how in fucks’ name the Nigerian president and all those other guys in the parliament earn more than those from whom the government get aids from, how come?
Somethin’ tells me that this zoology nigga been entertainin’ stupid fantasies in his idle time (and I have a feelin’ he got a lot of those idle times).
He musta thought Nigeria was one huge zoo wit’ a bunch of docile mutherfuckers where you can jus wake up one fine mornin’, dust up that old script called subsidy removal, strike up that worn out tune about how the government can’t support it anymore (somethin’ we all know wasn’t even there in the first place) and how it’ll benefit the people in the long run and expect folks to buy into that bullshit…again.
Isn’t it foolish how a big cahuna like Nigeria when it comes to oil production doesn’t have proper refineries, huh? It is bewildering how successive governments have thought it better to be exportin’ crude, only to import that shit right back as refined oil. Isn’t stupid how Nigerians pay more for petrol than folks in countries where they don’t have a drop of that black gold?
Somebody Get Hugo on the Horn
Did I mention that the zoologist eats like a glutton?
What! Did I say ‘eats like a glutton? I take that back please, what I meant to say was, that this once shoe-less nigga is a glutton!
What, I should apologize for insultin’ Mr. preisdent?
No way! I said it and I stand strong on it, that nigga is a glutton! If he wasn’t,then tell me why his food money, salary and other allowances is three times more than that of Obama?
Somebody need to tell the Zoologist to hit Hugo Chavez up on the phone, so ma Hugo nigga can hook that ass up on what he did to get the Chilean economy up and cruisin’. Hugo knows that to introduce any tough economic policy you gotta tackle corruption first; he cut in half his own salary and those of other political officer holders…
Now that’s how responsible governments behave instead goin around slappin’ the average Joe in the face with half stupid economic policies.
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