17 Tuesday
Malawi
It was my second time in that neck of the wood and I felt the urge to impress that special Dobs’ style and grace ‘pon the city.
Style and grace, hmm, I like how that sound. It sounds classy, huh? But you know, for a second there I was tempted to use that abominably overused word, swag but nah; I’d rather jump in a well than use it, ugh! *spits*
On my first visit country, I knew I didn’t do the ladies any justice. Why? Well, they didn’t get a gook (good look, jus incase your ass is wonderin’ what the word means) at the boy, plus I didn’t get the chance to roam the hot spots, so this time I told my lady friend I wanted to check out the scene
Lilongwe
09:10We drove into the glorious Tuesday mornin’ me and my friend, she was lookin’ hella good in a hot number; a gray micro miniskirt and a plungin’ neckline top that gave every rovin’ eyes a generous look into the two juicy molds on her chest. I swear the way the chick was dressed, the sex life of an eighty year old great grandfather could be resurrected!
And what was I dressed in?
I was in a straight legged faded blue Levi jean and an ash colored small size T (it had the image of cassette boldly emblazoned on it) and my ass was feelin’ like a million dollars. Huh, did somebody say Zimbabwe dollars?
Hell no!
Apologies to my Zimbabwean friends but there was no way a brotha that fly can feel anythin’ less than the real McCoy. I felt like a million USD!
Centre Business District
Bwalolanjovu
09:30Soon as we got to the CBD, I got out the whip while shawtie drove round lookin’ for a convenient spot. I needed to make a call so I walked outside the parkin’ area, hollered at a recharge card vendor getting’ his hustle on from a yellow kiosk not far from the gate. As I was tryna load the credit, we heard a commotion from somewhere behind us, I turned around to see what the heck was goin’ on. A few meters down the road, folks were runnin’ all over the place.
*clears throat* where am from, we don’t stand around when shit pop off like that, first we run and find out why folks were runnin’ later (this act has got nada to wit being a coward, it’s called self prservation) and that was exactly what I did, I headed stright in the direction of my friend’s car (thankfully, she hadn’t parked yet), I got in the car and wound the window up tight.
"What’s goin’ on?" she asked
"I don’t know. I saw folks runnin’ so I skipped too. That’s the wise to do, trust me’’
She looked at me wit a look that seemed to says, "Dude, I can’t believe you jus did that!"
I was like, "wipe that silly look off your face, you know am new in this town and even if I wasn’t, am not goin’ to stand around and get my ass caught up in shit"
Outside the car, we could see people runnin’ into shops, pro’ly tryna take refuge from whatever was causin’ the commotion out there.
What Went Down Street traders (vendor as they call ‘em in out there) and some other dumb ass folks in Lilongwe had gone on rampage stripping them sexy ladies naked cause they were wearin’ miniskirts and things. These fools even claimed that the president of the country had their back.
Ridiculosity!
"About five women were stripped naked at Bwalolanjovu, forcing all other women in trousers and miniskirts to either purchase chitenje (wrapper) or seek refuge in shops. As of Tuesday afternoon, there was no woman in trouser or mini skirt in Lilongwe. Women that were seen moving around the city were either in long skirts or chitenje (wrappers)"
What! Imagine what woulda happened to my companion if we had walked into that mob, jus imagine!
And what if we did, what would I have done?
Umm, y’all remember what I said about self preservation, huh? Lmao!
But seriously, what the fuck is wrong wit’ some folks, huh?
I mean, these schmucks should be more concerned wit their own hustle and gettin’ mullah to put food on their fuckin’ tables instead of goin’ around policin’ these fine ass women and what they wear.
The funny part of this whole shebang is, 98% of the fools strippin’ ladies naked in the street pro’ly go home every day and jerk off to the mental image of these women; mutherfuckers know their chance of hittin’ any of those bomb ass pussies is the same as findin’ snow in hell!
Final WordI feel ladies can wear whatever they want but they gotta mind where they go when they dress that ass wit certain things
Wednesday
10:46Umm, I have a confession to make and nah; I don’t need a clergy to spill my gut to on this.
Here’s the thing, I wasn’t anywhere near Malawi on Tuesday. All that story about me and a sexy lady friend, I made the entire thing up but for the ladies who walked down the main business centre of Lilongwe Tuesday mornin’ with their sexy asses wrapped their favorite miniskirts or trousers, I guarantee you that the whole episode was real for the unfortunate ones that got caught in the madness.
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