Monday
07:32
Would you show me the same respect you show to a psychologist or surgeon if I hand you my business card and it reads, Dr. Dobs, The world famous Mioirologist, huh?
Ever since I heard I could become a Moirologist in a short period of time and make a lot of Benjies while am at it, I’ve been givin’ the thought of gettin’ a master degree in moirology a lot of consideration. It’ll look hella good on my resume, wont it?
Earlier
04:21
“All you’ll ever be/
Is a vague memory/
Of a bully”
If how the cousin of death came and got me last night was to be a novel, it’d definitely fall under the category of mystery. I didn’t have my usual fight to go to sleep and when shit goes down like that, am always grateful for it. I consider the simple act of sleep findin’ you without tryin’ a miracle. I know a lot of folks take that shit for granted, me, I don’t.
I woke from a five hour snooze a lil’ disoriented, happens every time I get more than my usual 3 hours. I woke up with Shinedown’s bully playin’ in my head.
“No one’s gonna cry/
On the very day you die/
You’re a bully”
I kept hummin’ that tune as I got up to put in time in my favorite room, the loo. It’s my favorite place to go and get my thinkin’, writin’ and singin’ on. I love the toilet…umm, I mean, I love clean toilets! If you’re readin’ this, make sure your toilet is spotless when I come to your crib for dinner. Why dinner? I got no fuckin’ Idea why I wrote that, it jus’ sounded good to me. Ah ha!
The only thing better than a clean toilet is the open field! I love the way the wind caresses my balls out there. I love the view. Open field dumpin’ saves water, fertilizes the earth. Y’all should try it sometime. Lol!
04:25
Perched on the Armitage Shanks and steadin’ droppin’ that funky stuff into the water, random shit started started droppin’ into my mind.
Huh, you never heard of Armitage Shanks before?
Such ungrateful bunch y’all are! Armitage Shanks has literally been takin’ care of your asses since forever. Now take a lil walk to your toilets, bathrooms, the bathroom stalls, the restrooms and check the name on the urinal, the tub and toilet bowl. Ah ha! Next time you flush, throw a salute to Thomas Bond.
Right there in the toilet, I had a eureka moment; somethin’ I’d come across a few days earlier had return to hit me wit the same intensity that that fallin’ apple in Isaac Newton’s mother’s garden had helped him discover gravity. That’s stretchin’ it but its epicness shouldn’t be regarded as less important.
China
Chongqing
Hu Xinglian, a 52 year old woman, a superstar with a difference. She’s nicknamed Ding Ding Mao (dragon fly). She’s a consummate pro at what she does. She goes to work with a full sound system, multicolor spotlight and the six members of her band, “the orchestra of the star and the river of Chongqing”
Hu’s Orchestra of the Star and the River recite poems, sing, cry, do comedy and dance so good, they’ve become a household name in parts of China. Hu is a kusangren.
There are others like Hu in Asia and they are equally successful. Lookin’ at the pervadin’ joblessness my neck of the wood, I’ve decided to either emulate Hu and her ilk or go and all out and study and get that master degree in Moirology.
Moirology
People often say prostitution is the oldest profession in the world, right? Moirology might actually be as old as prostitution. The occupation was mentioned in the bible. It is widely cited in literature, from the Ugarit epics (an ancient city in Syria) of early centuries BC to modern poetry.
Outro
08:10
I was shocked last week when I came across a call out for professional Moirologists and kusangren guess what? Sixty people submitted their resume. I didn’t know there are so many professional mourners lookin’ for jobs!
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