DIDELPHYS

 Friday

January 20, 2012

Los Angeles, California

23:41

Deep in thought, Mr. Hirsch walked in to the half light of his study and instinctively flicked on the light switch, he went straight to his extravagantly elaborate oak desk. There were piles of documents and script strewn all over the table, he grabbed what he came for and proceeded back to the livin’ room. He’d forgotten his ipad on the desk ten minutes earlier when he’d left to answer his cellphone which was hooked to a charger in the livin’ room.

He’d been thinkin’ bout writin’ this mail for a week now. Ever since he got the very strange but good news about Ms Jones, he’d be tryin to slip into that godfather mode; he’d asked himself severally, “If Don Corleon was in his shoes, what kinda unrefusable offer would he put on the table for this young lady?”

He shook the image of the godfather off and reminded himself of thow he’d made successful big ass offers to folks like Tommy Lee, Pam Anderson, Kim Kardashian and ‘em before.

He powered on the iPad and started bangin’ out an important business email.

Dear Ms Jones,

My name is Hirsch; I am the founder and owner of a reputable multimillion dollar entertainment empire based out here in the United States and something tells me you most have heard of me

You are obviously an extraordinary woman and I would like to make you an offer to star in an upcoming film production

We would fly you out to L.A as soon as you are available and provide you with first class accommodations

We would pay you $1m for your services and cover travel and accommodation expenses, as the film would be shot in Los Angeles.

Please take your time and get back to me if you’d be interested in my offer.

Hirsch

Today

Sunday

February 26

So, who the fuck is Mr. Hirsch, you ask?

Well, didn’t you read the letter? Dat nigga Hirsch is a big cahuna in Hollywood though not in the class of Steven Spielberg or Harvey Weinstein but he holds his own.

Huh, you still wanna know more bout Hirsch?

Hold your horses, cowboys and girls and wait patiently for me to come through with the big reveal. Uh huh, there I go again tryna hold your asses captive like some big-time thriller writer. There I go strokin’ my own ego again, huh? I knoooow!

Friday

13 January

High Wycombe, Britain

01:33

A couple of ladies dressed in eye-poppin’ getups giggled and hurried after each other to the dressin’ room of a well-known club in High Wycombe, obviously excited about some new gossip they jus heard.

Somebody once told me that some ladies can actually climax jus from hearin’ and sharing hot gossips. Is that truth, ladies?

So, them chicks piled themselves up into the dressin’ room and slammed the door shut behind them. Before this night, small talks have been goin’ around about Hazel and the amazin’ super power she was said to have allegedly possessed and tonight, the ladies were goin to get their confirmation.

Without speakin’, the ladies formed a semi circle about Hazel as she half sat on the wash on basin, her back to the mirror and her knee length skirt slightly hiked up. The excitement in the room was palpable and the ladies, all five of them held their collective breath…

Wednesday

January 11 2012

On a TV Show

A guest on a TV show told the hosts somethin’ shockin’, she revealed that she was diagnosed with ‘uterus didelphys’

What! What the fuck is Didelphys? Men, that’s the kinda word that’ll have a nigga consultin’ Google and Wikipedia. I Google’d it and what I found kinda left my face furrowed wit amazement.

“Once I found out what it was I told everybody” she said wit a smile. “I thought it was amazing and it’s definitely an ice breaker at parties” She added: “if women want to have a look, I’m quite happy to show them…’’

Today

Sunday

February 26

Uterus Didelphys is a condition where a female has got two wombs, two cervixes and wait for it, two fuckin’ vaginas!

Whoa! Yeah, I know…imagine what a pussy hungry brotha can do wit a package like that.

Accordin’ to my own lil research “it’s relatively common to have a septum within the uterus; to actually have two separate uteruses is much rarer. We talkin’ 1 in 3000 women here, how rare is that!

Hazel Jones

Hazel Jones is a beautiful 27 year old blond from High Wycombe and shawty’s got two fully formed pussies and it wouldn’t take a genius to know that the porn movie makers would come knockin’ on her door, right?

Steven Hirsch (the founder and CEO of Vivid Entertainment, a U.S pornography film production company which became the first studio to introduce celebrity sex tapes a coupla years back) has since stepped up the plate wit an offer…a million dollar to get that pussy, umm, I meant those pussies on camera!

“According to This Morning, Ms Jones said: ‘I have never received any offers of this kind of work nor would I ever consider doing it in a million years. I just want to be left alone’”

Imagine

Ladies, are you imagining yourselves with two of everythin required to be pregger for two different men at the same time, huh?

Hazel Jones lost her virginity twice. Two pussies, two virginities! How amazin’ is that. Huh? Imagine, you can mess around wit one pussy and keep the other pussy wit ur weddin’ night or you can jus save the two for a deservin’ bedroom superhero…two for the price of one, boom!

I know a lotta ladies would want shit like that? Well, maybe not cause that would mean two period pains but hey, am so fuckin’ sure some Ho’s wouldn’t mind sellin’ their souls to have two virginas! Imagine what that would mean for their pussy vendin’ bi’ness, jus imagine.

Is there a prostitute readin’ this piece right now? Can I get a witness? Lol!

More that seein’ what Hazel got down there, I’d love to know how the boyfriend feels when he’s getting some from misses Jones.