Sunday
August 2008
The Synagogue
Lagos
One hot Sunday afternoon in the august of 08, me and a friend got off a taxi jus a few meters away from the imposing edifice that was the synagogue church of all nations and walked to the gate. For a moment we stood there contemplatin’ whether to go straight into the premises or ask one of the church’s securities for direction but then we thought, askin’ for direction will make our asses look like a tag team of JJCs (Johnny Just Come a.k.a Mr. New-in-Town) so we decided against askin’ and jus strolled in through the gate nonchalantly.
Wait, am I talkin’ about THE synagogue?
Uh huh, the same synagogue church of all nations where the world famous man of God, T. B Joshua holds court. I know a lot of y’all have heard of the controversial prophet but jus incase you haven’t, go ahead and put your Google to work.
So there we were, me, lookin’ through the windows, checkin’ out God’s people as they got their praise on and my friend, got busy on the phone tryna a make a call. Men, gotta love how people look when they’ve jus’ been freshly sermon-whipped, folks get all meekly, wearin’ that look that always seem to say ‘I believe I can fly’. Lol
Jus as my friend got done wit his phone call and we were tryin’ to move away from where we were, I noticed a gun-toting policeman(one of the many that paraded the premises) walkin’ towards us like a man on a mission.
“You!” the man of the law said, wavin’ us toward him wit’ his gun
I looked at my friend and mumbled to myself, ‘’this glorified armed robbin’ mutha can’t be talkin’ to us as if we’re his wayward lil brothers’’
The short thick police officer came and stood in front of us wit his rusty ass rifle held firmly in his left hand
”I dey call una, una no wan answer, abi?” he broke out in broken English letting us know that he knew we were pretendin’ not to hear when he called.
Before we could manufacture a plausible excuse, he transferred the gun to his right hand, cleared his throat and said, “Yes, what do you want?”…
Wednesday
8 February, 2012
Lusaka
There was a certain kinda good feelin’ hangin’ heavy in the air; if you swished an arm above your head, you would pro’ly scoop a palm-full of euphoria. The moon was in on the whole good vibe act too cause up in the sky, it hung big (it appeared the good Lord let it hang a lil bit lower that night) and full like a happy glutton. Nature top it all off by not allowin’ any puffs of cloud in the sky. The night had all the ingredients good nights were made of but guess what? It was about to get even better
John Laing
Lusaka
20:55
From across the road where I was standin’, I watched as folks dervishly vibrate to the sound of a local hit record blowin’ out the speakers from a nearby bar. Them folks who were not sweatin’ it out to the sound of music were busy analyzing the game of soccer they’d jus seen (to an onlooker, these men looked like they were shoutin’ at each other).
Ah ha, that’s what you get when you try get heard in an environment wit’ enough decibels to render a deaf person deafer (wow, I like that one *pats myself on the back*) Lol. One doesn’t have to be a mystic nigga to decipher that alcohol was gettin’ the better of these folks cause they wouldn’t let up.
There’s was somethin’ else I noticed, somethin’ very interestin’, matter of fact, I noticed it way before I saw the other goings around that part of John Laing.
And what was it I noticed?
*takes a deep breath* I saw grown ass men queuing up, pushin’ and shovin’ themselves like a bunch of hungry boardin’ school kids queuing up for food.
I moved close to get a good of what the fuck was makin’ niggas line up at that time of the night. What I found blew my socks off.
Oh, y’all wanna know?
Hol’ on, am buildin’ up to some’ here…
Sunday
February 12, 2012
The Synagogue
Lagos
12:38
Back at the synagogue almost four years later, I watched the general overseer of the synagogue, T. B Joshua as he animatedly prophesied, “I know a lot of you want me to talk about the final game of the Africa cup on nations that will be played tonight” lowerin’ the mike away from his mouth, he chuckled and did a lil laid-back walk around the pulpit, “a small country will surprise everybody” he continued, “God wants to repay them wit happiness for the tragedy of the past when they lost theirpeople in an accident”…
Late last year, he’d predicted that the underdog would win and a lot of Zambians took the hint and ran with it. There was also a rumor that some South African medicine man (sangoma) predicted the same things.
Mulling these thoughts over in my head, I turned off the TV and got my ass to my favorite room for a lil poo poo time.
Thursday
February 9, 2012
Your ass is hitching to know what I saw at John Laing that night, ain’t it?
Well, here’s how Zambia’s foremost newspaper, The Post captured it the next day (Thursday, Feb. 9)
“Prostitutes in Lusaka’s John Laing, Chawama, Kanyama and Kalingalinga compounds offered themselves free of charge to every Jim and Jack as part of their celebration after Zambia beat Ghana 1-0 at the Nations Cup on Wednesday. A check by The Independent Post at nightclubs such as Kanyama’s Kanchembele and Chine Chikayeba found long queues of men waiting to have sex with a limited number of prostitutes.
Today
February 14
Zambia won the cup and the nation went buck wild. Some folks lost their lives while gettin’ their celebration on and lot more injured.
What, y’all wanna know if them pussy vendin’ individuals gave their goodies away free of charge again?
I’ma leave that to your imagination and the FBI in you to find out
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