AUDITIONIN' FOR BLACK JESUS

Ever sat down to think about Jesus?
You have, right? I thought so.
Ok, what about Black Jesus? Huh uh? Why not?
Ok, now take a few seconds to chew on that... What would he look like? What country would he have been from? Snap back to reality!

How many of you guys remember Black Jesus, that hot record that the late great Tupac Amaru Shakur a.k.a 2pac and his crew, Outlaws put out back in the 90s?

Searching for Back Jesus
It’s hard, it’s hard
We need help out here
So we searching for Black Jesus...

It's ok if you've never heard it…but then again, what you waitin'? Get your ass up and go diggin’ in your uncle's crates. Oops! Did I say crates? My bad, YouTube or Google the dam thang!

I've been looking at the ways different societies have portrayed Jesus as their own race in their art; for example, He is primarily European in the West. To the Native Americans, He appeared in their art as Native American. Am yet to come across a black depiction of Jesus and though I know it’s there, it’s nowhere as common as the ubiquitous European Jesus. Our medulla oblongatas have been conditioned by hundreds of years of exposure to European arts and paintings which depicted Him as a bearded, long dark haired, solemn looking kinda guy.

Anyways, I bet Pac woulda known two facts by now…one, that Jesus wasn’t a black man, and two, if there’s really a heaven for a G. Of course, it’d be preposterous to think Jesus was a black man but I understand what my nigga Pac was tryna put across to Uncle Sam and ‘em. Deep nigga, dat boy Pac!

What got me thinking about Back Jesus and stuff is the new video piece by the German artist Christian Jankowski. This dude used an X-Factor-Idol-like format to cast an actor who best interprets the role of Jesus for a short movie as part of an artistic performance.

I thought it was pure genius... sounds like some' I would think of (ah ha butterin' myself up, I know). He had 13 Jesuses competing against each other. Imagine the kinda of bitching that goes down in competitions like these. At the beginnin' of the show, these dudes had no beard... two weeks into it; cats started growin' their mane and beard without being told to. Am sure the real Jesus is coolin' up there, all amused and things at how these guys were jostle to be the winnin' Jesus.

Back to one of my original questions, what would a Black Jesus look like? If you were to cast a black man the role of Jesus, what physical characteristics would you be lookin' for?

AUDITIONIN' FOR BLACK JESUS

Ever sat down to think about Jesus?
You have, right? I thought so.
Ok, what about Black Jesus? Huh uh? Why not?
Ok, now take a few seconds to chew on that... What would he look like? What country would he have been from? Snap back to reality!

How many of you guys remember Black Jesus, that hot record that the late great Tupac Amaru Shakur a.k.a 2pac and his crew, Outlaws put out back in the 90s?

Searching for Back Jesus
It’s hard, it’s hard
We need help out here
So we searching for Black Jesus...

It's ok if you've never heard it…but then again, what you waitin'? Get your ass up and go diggin’ in your uncle's crates. Oops! Did I say crates? My bad, YouTube or Google the dam thang!

I've been looking at the ways different societies have portrayed Jesus as their own race in their art; for example, He is primarily European in the West. To the Native Americans, He appeared in their art as Native American. Am yet to come across a black depiction of Jesus and though I know it’s there, it’s nowhere as common as the ubiquitous European Jesus. Our medulla oblongatas have been conditioned by hundreds of years of exposure to European arts and paintings which depicted Him as a bearded, long dark haired, solemn looking kinda guy.

Anyways, I bet Pac woulda known two facts by now…one, that Jesus wasn’t a black man, and two, if there’s really a heaven for a G. Of course, it’d be preposterous to think Jesus was a black man but I understand what my nigga Pac was tryna put across to Uncle Sam and ‘em. Deep nigga, dat boy Pac!

What got me thinking about Back Jesus and stuff is the new video piece by the German artist Christian Jankowski. This dude used an X-Factor-Idol-like format to cast an actor who best interprets the role of Jesus for a short movie as part of an artistic performance.

I thought it was pure genius... sounds like some' I would think of (ah ha butterin' myself up, I know). He had 13 Jesuses competing against each other. Imagine the kinda of bitching that goes down in competitions like these. At the beginnin' of the show, these dudes had no beard... two weeks into it; cats started growin' their mane and beard without being told to. Am sure the real Jesus is coolin' up there, all amused and things at how these guys were jostle to be the winnin' Jesus.

Back to one of my original questions, what would a Black Jesus look like? If you were to cast a black man the role of Jesus, what physical characteristics would you be lookin' for?

LMFAO AT THE 2011 SONG OF THE SUMMER

With its lyrics imploring revelers to "get up, get down, put your hands up to the sound!," LMFAO's "Party Rock Anthem," featuring Lauren Bennett and GoonRock, is, fittingly, Billboard's 2011 song of the summer.

The hi-energy dance track tops this year's Billboard's Songs of the Summer chart, which ranks the most popular songs based on cumulative performance on the weekly Billboard Hot 100 from Memorial Day through Labor Day (specifically, the charts dated June 11 through Sept. 17, 2011).

"We created a tool for people to use to get hyped up at their party, on their boat, at the club, at the gym, etc. People love it... it feels amazing!" the group's Redfoo told Billboard exclusively upon hearing the news. "Because of how hard we worked on mixing the record and the dedication that went into the video, it was clear from the beginning that our goal was to take the party rock sound to number one."

"Anthem" took the lead for good on the Songs of the Summer running tally the previous four weeks after Adele's "Rolling in the Deep" had topped the survey the first seven weeks of the season.

"Anthem" spent six weeks at No. 1 on the Hot 100 beginning July 16. Following its Hot 100 reign, it held the No. 2 position for three weeks, helping to secure its spot atop the final Songs of the Summer countdown.

The song was also the only title to rank inside the Hot 100's top 10 in each of the 15 weeks measured for the Songs of the Summer chart.

LMFAO is the first duo to wear the seasonal crown since another ubiquitous dance anthem, Los Del Rio's "Macarena (Bayside Boys Mix)," became Billboard's song of the summer for 1996 (after topping the Hot 100 for 14 weeks that year).

"Anthem" earns coveted song of the summer status over 2011 runner-up "Give Me Everything" by Pitbull, featuring Ne-Yo, Afrojack and Nayer. The latter song capped the July 9 Hot 100 and spent 14 weeks in the top 10 during the Songs of the Summer tracking period.

Adele's "Deep" claims the No. 3 position on the Songs of the Summer chart, having spent the last four of its seven weeks at No. 1 on the Hot 100 during the seasonal ranking's chart span. The multi-format smash ranked in the Hot 100's top 10 for 11 weeks of the Songs of the Summer recap span.

Nicki Minaj's "Super Bass" places at No. 4 on the Songs of the Summer survey. The pop/rap jam began the season at No. 11 on the Hot 100 and spent the rest of the summer (14 weeks) lodged in the top 10, peaking for two weeks at No. 3.

Katy Perry's "Last Friday Night (T.G.I.F.)" rounds out the 2011 Songs of the Summer top five at No. 5. Perry won last year's summer songs contest courtesy of "California Gurls," featuring Snoop Dogg, which took the 2010 title on the strength of a six-week Hot 100 rule.

While she doesn't prevail this year, this summer brought Perry a string of achievements and publicity, most notably her becoming the first female artist in the Hot 100's 53-year history to bank five No. 1s from one album. ("Friday" was the fifth Hot 100 leader (two weeks at No. 1; 12 in the top 10) from "Teenage Dream," following "California," the title cut, "Firework" and "E.T.," featuring Kanye West).

As "E.T." ranks at No. 9 on the Songs of the Summer chart, Perry is the only artist to boast two titles on the tally. While Eminem locked down two spots on last year's chart ("Love the Way You Lie," featuring Rihanna, No. 2; "Not Afraid," No. 10), Perry is the first woman to double up since Rihanna in summer 2008 ("Take a Bow," No. 3; "Disturbia," No. 9).

Shout out to Billboard for lettin' badlydrawndobs.com use this.

LMFAO AT THE 2011 SONG OF THE SUMMER

With its lyrics imploring revelers to "get up, get down, put your hands up to the sound!," LMFAO's "Party Rock Anthem," featuring Lauren Bennett and GoonRock, is, fittingly, Billboard's 2011 song of the summer.

The hi-energy dance track tops this year's Billboard's Songs of the Summer chart, which ranks the most popular songs based on cumulative performance on the weekly Billboard Hot 100 from Memorial Day through Labor Day (specifically, the charts dated June 11 through Sept. 17, 2011).

"We created a tool for people to use to get hyped up at their party, on their boat, at the club, at the gym, etc. People love it... it feels amazing!" the group's Redfoo told Billboard exclusively upon hearing the news. "Because of how hard we worked on mixing the record and the dedication that went into the video, it was clear from the beginning that our goal was to take the party rock sound to number one."

"Anthem" took the lead for good on the Songs of the Summer running tally the previous four weeks after Adele's "Rolling in the Deep" had topped the survey the first seven weeks of the season.

"Anthem" spent six weeks at No. 1 on the Hot 100 beginning July 16. Following its Hot 100 reign, it held the No. 2 position for three weeks, helping to secure its spot atop the final Songs of the Summer countdown.

The song was also the only title to rank inside the Hot 100's top 10 in each of the 15 weeks measured for the Songs of the Summer chart.

LMFAO is the first duo to wear the seasonal crown since another ubiquitous dance anthem, Los Del Rio's "Macarena (Bayside Boys Mix)," became Billboard's song of the summer for 1996 (after topping the Hot 100 for 14 weeks that year).

"Anthem" earns coveted song of the summer status over 2011 runner-up "Give Me Everything" by Pitbull, featuring Ne-Yo, Afrojack and Nayer. The latter song capped the July 9 Hot 100 and spent 14 weeks in the top 10 during the Songs of the Summer tracking period.

Adele's "Deep" claims the No. 3 position on the Songs of the Summer chart, having spent the last four of its seven weeks at No. 1 on the Hot 100 during the seasonal ranking's chart span. The multi-format smash ranked in the Hot 100's top 10 for 11 weeks of the Songs of the Summer recap span.

Nicki Minaj's "Super Bass" places at No. 4 on the Songs of the Summer survey. The pop/rap jam began the season at No. 11 on the Hot 100 and spent the rest of the summer (14 weeks) lodged in the top 10, peaking for two weeks at No. 3.

Katy Perry's "Last Friday Night (T.G.I.F.)" rounds out the 2011 Songs of the Summer top five at No. 5. Perry won last year's summer songs contest courtesy of "California Gurls," featuring Snoop Dogg, which took the 2010 title on the strength of a six-week Hot 100 rule.

While she doesn't prevail this year, this summer brought Perry a string of achievements and publicity, most notably her becoming the first female artist in the Hot 100's 53-year history to bank five No. 1s from one album. ("Friday" was the fifth Hot 100 leader (two weeks at No. 1; 12 in the top 10) from "Teenage Dream," following "California," the title cut, "Firework" and "E.T.," featuring Kanye West).

As "E.T." ranks at No. 9 on the Songs of the Summer chart, Perry is the only artist to boast two titles on the tally. While Eminem locked down two spots on last year's chart ("Love the Way You Lie," featuring Rihanna, No. 2; "Not Afraid," No. 10), Perry is the first woman to double up since Rihanna in summer 2008 ("Take a Bow," No. 3; "Disturbia," No. 9).

Shout out to Billboard for lettin' badlydrawndobs.com use this.

WHEN NO ONE'S LOOKIN'

I'm a grown ass man; a responsible one for that matter and I know y'all can tell even though there may be one or two folks who won’t mind throwin' dirt on that claim... ok ok, maybe am half irresponsible but I swear, am working on it. Anyways, I do what grown asses do, well at least, most of it and a lot more that a grown man shouldn't be caught dead doin'.

Am thirty some' years old... oh, you're shocked? Did you just go check my pictures again tryna connect my Facebook/ Twitter tantrums with this new revelation? Did your head just nod on its own accord? Well, it's okay, you can now pick your jaws from the floor! If it's any consolation, you'd be surprised to know that am as shocked as you because I feel like that nigga Jigga (the thick-lipped rap mogul)... am forever young, dammit!

I hate not being able to do what the fuck I wanna do, I mean, am not rich yet like most of my friends *checks watch…quarter to rich O’clock, it says... shakes head*, so the least a grown ass dawg like me can do is have one or two or more carry-over childish vices he can secretly indulge in.

Here are some of my childhood deeds carried-over to adulthood... plus some of the new shenanigans I get up to when nobody’s looking.

I love to scrape pots... yeeea men *in Usher’s voice*. I love it when that sweet pot of rice is nicely burnt, leavin' them grains brown and yummy. I just take my shirt off, lock that pot between my thighs and get lost in the "scrapeture". Can't blame a brotha, can you? What with all that ingredients chilling down there. No wonder that African proverb says, “The bottom of the pot is the sweetest”. I know some of y'all have done it before and those who haven't, you should do it sometime.

I’m so freakin' sure this next one is an original. A never-before-seen or done-type of shit as far as am concerned, that is. Oh oh I think I deserve an award for this one (y'all can decide the type of award... ingenuity or absurdity?). I use my phone a lot, right? Me and my insomniac ass posted up on Facebook all day and all night. Only hell gets hotter than that piece of gadget and what'd I do whenever I want to give it alil rest? I put the poor thing in the fridge... you want me to write that again? I refrigerate the damn thing! It's crazy, I know but ay, a brotha’s gotta do what a brotha’s gotta do.

Whenever I go to a new place where English is not the main language, I like to make-pretend like I understand what the fuck they are saying. I just nod, smile, shrug or mumble, timing my response with the body language of whoever's talking to me. Why'd I do that, you say? Well, I do it just for the heck of it; it's a little game I enjoy playing just to see how far I can fool the speaker! My boy BJ and Barry know what am talking about... BJ, especially love to see me do my thing.

When am alone or when I think no one's got me in their sight, I turn Miner! I take my sweet little time to mine those gooey stuffs from my nose... yeah! Cast the first stone if you ain't guilty. Go ahead, what? You can't do it? Yea, I thought so.



Oh I love this one…growing up with my Granny, I was taught to always eat my meat or fish last. She would tell me only lions and greedy folks eat their meat first. Guess what? I still do that till today even though I had a somewhat painful experience with that practice once. One night, as a little country boy, after having my dinner (outside, of course), with my plate shining and shit after performing that little art of licking, my lil’ country ass place the fish in another plate while trying to wash my plate facing another direction. Done with the small matter of plate-washing, I reached out for my fish…it was gone. The damn fried fish had swum away on dry land! The culprit, a damn mongrel…the mutherfucking canine was licking its mouth not far from me. Fuck what Mrs. Elton John sang about not looking back in anger…the next day; I nearly killed the damn dog!

Did you just say, what about wet dreams?
Here’s my reply to your thought, "Yeah, why don’t you tell me?"

WHEN NO ONE'S LOOKIN'

I'm a grown ass man; a responsible one for that matter and I know y'all can tell even though there may be one or two folks who won’t mind throwin' dirt on that claim... ok ok, maybe am half irresponsible but I swear, am working on it. Anyways, I do what grown asses do, well at least, most of it and a lot more that a grown man shouldn't be caught dead doin'.

Am thirty some' years old... oh, you're shocked? Did you just go check my pictures again tryna connect my Facebook/ Twitter tantrums with this new revelation? Did your head just nod on its own accord? Well, it's okay, you can now pick your jaws from the floor! If it's any consolation, you'd be surprised to know that am as shocked as you because I feel like that nigga Jigga (the thick-lipped rap mogul)... am forever young, dammit!

I hate not being able to do what the fuck I wanna do, I mean, am not rich yet like most of my friends *checks watch…quarter to rich O’clock, it says... shakes head*, so the least a grown ass dawg like me can do is have one or two or more carry-over childish vices he can secretly indulge in.

Here are some of my childhood deeds carried-over to adulthood... plus some of the new shenanigans I get up to when nobody’s looking.

I love to scrape pots... yeeea men *in Usher’s voice*. I love it when that sweet pot of rice is nicely burnt, leavin' them grains brown and yummy. I just take my shirt off, lock that pot between my thighs and get lost in the "scrapeture". Can't blame a brotha, can you? What with all that ingredients chilling down there. No wonder that African proverb says, “The bottom of the pot is the sweetest”. I know some of y'all have done it before and those who haven't, you should do it sometime.

I’m so freakin' sure this next one is an original. A never-before-seen or done-type of shit as far as am concerned, that is. Oh oh I think I deserve an award for this one (y'all can decide the type of award... ingenuity or absurdity?). I use my phone a lot, right? Me and my insomniac ass posted up on Facebook all day and all night. Only hell gets hotter than that piece of gadget and what'd I do whenever I want to give it alil rest? I put the poor thing in the fridge... you want me to write that again? I refrigerate the damn thing! It's crazy, I know but ay, a brotha’s gotta do what a brotha’s gotta do.

Whenever I go to a new place where English is not the main language, I like to make-pretend like I understand what the fuck they are saying. I just nod, smile, shrug or mumble, timing my response with the body language of whoever's talking to me. Why'd I do that, you say? Well, I do it just for the heck of it; it's a little game I enjoy playing just to see how far I can fool the speaker! My boy BJ and Barry know what am talking about... BJ, especially love to see me do my thing.

When am alone or when I think no one's got me in their sight, I turn Miner! I take my sweet little time to mine those gooey stuffs from my nose... yeah! Cast the first stone if you ain't guilty. Go ahead, what? You can't do it? Yea, I thought so.



Oh I love this one…growing up with my Granny, I was taught to always eat my meat or fish last. She would tell me only lions and greedy folks eat their meat first. Guess what? I still do that till today even though I had a somewhat painful experience with that practice once. One night, as a little country boy, after having my dinner (outside, of course), with my plate shining and shit after performing that little art of licking, my lil’ country ass place the fish in another plate while trying to wash my plate facing another direction. Done with the small matter of plate-washing, I reached out for my fish…it was gone. The damn fried fish had swum away on dry land! The culprit, a damn mongrel…the mutherfucking canine was licking its mouth not far from me. Fuck what Mrs. Elton John sang about not looking back in anger…the next day; I nearly killed the damn dog!

Did you just say, what about wet dreams?
Here’s my reply to your thought, "Yeah, why don’t you tell me?"

THE BOY WHO GOT DECEIVED

I was born when televisions were black and white and TV stations were government owned. You can count those on the fingers of a palm. This was the era when stations don't open for transmission before 1600hrs and they shut down immediately that old grand Pa clock on the wall strikes midnight with its long swingin’ dick *clears throat*, I meant, bell.

I remember those columns of colors and that annoying piercing sound that precedes the national anthem whenever the station’s ‘bout to start transmission.

These were the days when President, JVC, Akai and ‘em were the kings of the electronic hill. Television were owned by very few and the rest of us would usually be caught hangin’ in someone’s window jus’ to catch a glimpse of what’s goin’ on.

I had fond memories of me and some of my goons (K’roy and ‘em), religiously goin’ to a neighbor’s crib every Sunday to watch Indian movies. If you were allowed to hang in the window (the room is usually packed to the rafters with Ol’ Gs), you’d feel like some V.I.P! Know why? ‘Cause the next day at school, you’d be among the precious few who’d be the centre of attention, spinning yarns to your classmates ‘bout the adventures of Amitab Bacchant and that fine ass heroine!

Damn those Indian films, lying to us and shit. Imagine the hero as a boy on a horse, tryna flee from the Boss (the Boss…that was what we used to call the villain and oh, the hero was the “actor”) and the next thing you know, bam, the hero is grown... on that same horse!

Anyways, what brought those childhood memories back is a friend of mine up on facebook. Always goin’ on and on about John Cena. Putting up updates bout how she wouldn’t hesitate takin’ one in for Mr. Cena. I love to get up on her grill with my usual rhetoric ’bout how my nigger The Rock and Team Bring It is the truest! We would go back and forth on who the best is and stuff. But y’all know what the funny thing is? I don’t watch wrestling... well, not anymore.

I lost faith in wrestling a long time ago. I felt cheated and used… My second favorite sport on TV was a fuckin’ big joke. The whole dam thing was scripted! I mean, what’d you expect from a lil’ boy who one day found out that the whole shebag was a big production, some hoax put together by some folks to deceive the lil’ boy I was.

The day my Uncle hit me with the truth, I couldn’t sleep... my world crashed (ok, that was an exaggeration *winks*). Watchin’ wrestlin’ on TV was an event for me back then. I would dream about that shit every time, I would close my eyes and generate visions of Mighty Igor choke-holding Sergeant Slaughter, Mascara body-slammin’ the undertaker. I would patiently wait for Sunday when a new episode would air.

My Dad loves watchin’ the shit, by the way. Always tryna get me to kick it with him whenever it came on and I was around. The convo is always the same...

Pops would say, "the big man, wrestling is on come join me".
"Nah", I'd reply, smiling.
"You know, this is no different from the movies, all scripted".
"I know", shaking my head and smiling even harder.

Wrestling deceived me... I've forgiven the deceit but I’ll never forget.